No Moose is Good Moose
by The Death Frisbee
Summary: Written for the include-a-moose challenge at the Reviews Lounge, Too. Blog format; post-Baskerville, pre-Reichenbach. May contain spoilers. I apologize in advance for any and all terrible puns.


A/N: Written for darkin520's challenge at the Reviews Lounge, Too:

_**Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It: **Successfully integrate our official RLt mascot, the moose, into a story along with the themes of brotherly love (or even romantic love) into a story of your choosing. Any length, any genre. Be open-minded and creative._

_And extra bonus points if you include love buckets and a reference to 'on the floor'. :P_

Enjoy, hopefully! The blog this plays off of is at johnwatsonblog dot co dot uk - please be warned that it spoils both seasons of Sherlock. All commenters appear therein. Spelling/grammar is UK, as the blog entry's written by an Englishman.

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7 April

**No Moose is Good Moose**

Moving on. Whatever that last entry on my blog was need not be commented upon, because there are many things that are much more worthy of my time than some stalker posting a video entry of breaking into the flat.

So when we got back from Dartmoor, there happened to be an episode of _Survivor Man_ that Sherlock took exception to. He proceeded to inform me that I would not like to meet a moose (unlike Survivor Man), that moose attack more people in the States than wolves or bears do, and that only hippopotamuses injure more people worldwide.

But really, with the way he watches _The Jeremy Kyle Show_, he shouldn't talk about my choice of programme. He's recorded every episode, and sits there in a bathrobe if we're lucky – lying on a bed sheet on the floor if we're unlucky, and presumably if the floor is equally unlucky – whilst flipping through each show like a lunatic and/or Mary Whitehouse.

Thanks to my flatmate's devotion to crap telly, in the course of the last week, I have learnt that not only do people who appear on _Jeremy Kyle_ have a tendency towards lazy eyes and harelips, but that phrenology is still an exact science and wholly applicable in the modern day if the individual in question bears more than three tattoos.

Sherlock just shouted at me that the correlation of phrenology and criminal instincts does not necessarily imply causation, but I believe he just doesn't want me to tell the rest of the moose story.

Anyway, in Dartmoor, we spent a few nights in the inn, and I gradually realised that near where Sherlock liked to sit by the fireplace, there was a moose head imported from Canada. It was not an impressive moose, but it had most definitely been put there to look rustic. It was there that I discovered Sherlock had never seen that episode of _Fawlty Towers_ where John Cleese puts up the moose head. So, for those of you keeping score on your Things Sherlock Doesn't Know About card, you can add that programme to the list along with astronomy and fine arts.

When we had some down time, I made him watch an episode. He said he didn't see what was so amusing about it, and added that, certainly, the hotel could have been run much more efficiently. You can imagine the look on my face. He did add, however, that he sympathised with Basil Fawlty's efforts to deal with, and I quote, "all the blinkered idiots that stay at tourist traps like these."

Asking him if that included present company might not have been my most timely retort ever.

So that added to the discomfort upon noticing that Sherlock was not his usual self in the inn, but I've discussed that already. Mainly, I wanted to point out that, for all he knows about, Sherlock Holmes does not know a thing about classic comedies, and that, since there are no moose in the United Kingdom, his moose-expert status is wholly pointless and unnecessary, just like _Jeremy Kyle_.

* * *

I did not say that I had not seen the show. Besides, moose have been successfully introduced into Scotland. Do not relate false information, if you have to post anything at all.

**Sherlock Holmes** 7 April 15:52

You didn't even know who John Cleese was!

**John Watson** 7 April 16:05

Unnecessary information, unless he is involved in a crime. I sympathise with his portrayal of Fawlty, which should be spelt 'Faulty,' by the way.

**Sherlock Holmes** 7 April 16:30

It's a joke. A comedic misspelling.

**John Watson** 7 April 16:34

Buckets of love to you, John!

**Harry Watson** 7 April 16:39

Harry, I hope you're not drinking again.

**John Watson** 7 April 16:41

The moose head hitting him on the head would not cause an oversized bandage to be wrapped around his head, and surely you as a doctor picked up on the fact that hypnosis is not an acceptable practise in medicine.

**Sherlock Holmes** 7 April 16:52

What sort of freak has never seen that show?

**Sally Donovan** 7 April 20:22

Dull. Waste of time. Put my post back up.

**Anonymous** 7 April 23:51

I find this all quite a-moose-ing!

**Jacob Sowersby** 8 April 10:18

This story is complete bull. ;)

**Bill Murray** 8 April 12:44

No reply! I wonder if Sherlock was cowed into silence!

**Mike Stamford** 8 April 14:08

John, fetch me my revolver. And put that missing post back up after you delete this one.

**Sherlock Holmes** 8 April 14:19

Would you boys like tea? This is Mrs Hudson. I'm posting this from next door. Mrs Turner says she has a cousin who lives in Canada and who would be happy to bring Sherlock a moose souvenir.

**Marie Turner** 8 April 15:23


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